Strong Like Ox

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An interesting sideline of Krav Maga class is trying to figure out who is paired up with whom. It’s not so obvious as you might think. People arrive and leave in groups, people chat a lot with a variety of people, and we don’t wear jewelry, so there’s no quick look for a wedding ring. I’ve worked out with some of these people for a year before I even found out that they were married. And people tend not to spar with their partners in class. After all, that’s your sparring partner at home - you can punch them any day!

This leads to all sorts of amusing situations that us married folk haven’t really dealt with for years. Like the one guy who was very friendly with my friend, right up until he found out she was married. (Her husband, the very soul of subtlety - not! - finally said “hey, I see you’ve been working out with my wife a lot.” And the poor guy went “Wife? You’re married? Who? Her?”) He’s not spoken to her since. Now the interesting part is that this same guy avoided me like the plague until I mentioned that I was married. And now he’s fine with me. And from this we conclude what? He was attracted to my friend, obviously. But me? I’m thinking maybe I scared the pants off of him? All very intriguing.

Which leads me to the day I was sick and watching class from the sidelines. And there was this guy I’d never seen before, who also wasn’t participating. Instead he was apparently trying to impress the ladies by showing them how to do a front fallbreak. Only he was doing it wrong. So I went over and showed them how to do it right. And thereby attracted his attention. Which he proceeded to shower on me ad nauseum.

Now objectively, he was quite hot. Big, blonde, built, and oh, so very impressed with himself. Not really my type. But on top of that, he was, unfortunately, “strong like ox, dumb like stump”. Which makes him really not my type, were I in the market. Which I’m not. So I walked away to sit with my friend (the oh-so-subtle husband I mentioned above). And the hunk of wood, who we now refer to as “He Man, Master of the Universe”, followed me.

My friend (who happens to be a lawyer) and I were chatting about the legal issues with my HOA (Homeowners Association, for those of you lucky enough not to live in a condo). He Man, with his ego the size of the Universe, was not put off in the least by being ignored. Of course we wouldn’t be ignoring him. Him? Why, the world revolves around him. Everyone knows that. So he jumps right into our conversation with his best witty comment. “Do you know what else HOA stands for? Horn of Africa. And that’s one of the most dangerous places in the world!”

At which point we all stared at him like he had three heads, and then proceeded to ignore him again. But you know, having been married for a while now, it’s nice to remember why I didn’t go for the large muscle-bound type. Not to say there aren’t nice muscle-y guys out there. I’ve met a few myself. But that’s not one of my criteria. Me? I’ll stick with my nice, funny, smart guy. And if he’s a little geeky? Well, hey, nobody notices anyway. They’re all swept away by his cool British accent. And what the heck, I always had a thing for geeky.

Sound good to you? Well tough patooties. He’s all mine. And I ain’t sharin’.