Jeans Baby, Jeans

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“Oh. My. Gosh!”, I shrieked at Andy on the phone. “You’ll never guess what I just did!”

“Um, what?” he said tentatively.

“I’ve bought JEANS!” I yelled happily, dancing around the house.

I suppose this won’t be hugely exciting for you normal people out there (are there any normal people reading this blog?), but you need to grasp this.

This is a minor miracle.

Jeans just never fit me. I put them on and zip them up, and my hips are in a vise, but the waist is still HUGE. And sitting down? Don’t ask. If I’m still conscious from having all of my oxygen cut off, I will promptly die from the embarrassment of having a serious case of plumbers crack.

But this pair, ah this pair. This pair fits!

I now return you to your regular programming…